Relatives-Part III

I should clarify. I did not launch Charley off the planet. . . . . I used calm and logical reasoning instead.

After trying for fifteen minutes to fix my communicator I went upstairs. Charley was sitting at the table and trying to appear as nonchalant as possible. Giving her a glare, I resumed eating my soggy Lucky Charms, their powers useless against the forces of this little girl. "So, my communicator." I said, trying to get a confession. "Don't you like it?" She said, "I bedazzled it and made it pretty!" "It wasn't supposed to be pretty." I argued. "That is an important tool used to communicate with Star Fleet!" "Oh, well." She said, "Star Fleet isn't real anyway, and all those people who get into all that star trek junk are a bunch of nerds. I'm sure if you want another one you can go buy one on the K-mart blue light specials." Charley took one look at my face and ran screaming from the room. "Anger is illogical." I told myself. "Anger is illogical." I heard her scream from the other room, "The nerdy boyfriend is going to kill me!!" I followed her into the living room. She was hiding behind the couch, when she spotted me she screamed and ran into her room, slamming the door. "What is going on here!?" My friend ran into the room. "She broke my communicator!" I said. Charley flung open her door, "I did not! I made it pretty!" "No!" "Did too!" "Did not!" "Did too!" Stop it!!" My friend yelled, "You sit down!" She pointed at me. "You sit down." she pointed at Charley. I meekly went into the living room and sat down. Charley followed and after glaring at me, sat at the opposite of the room. My friend stood above both of us. "Now someone tell me what is going on." Charley and I both started speaking at once. "SILENCE!" My friend yelled, "One at a time. Charley, you first." "He's going to kill me! Your nerdy boyfriend is going to get me!" Charley started crying. "Spock. Explain." My friend turning to me with a cold glare. "She broke my communicator! I need that!" "Is that true?" My friend asked Charley who was now clinging to my friend's leg. She nodded. "It was an accident! I didn't mean too!" My friend looked at me, Charley grinned from behind her leg. "Look at her!! You can't believe that!" My friend looked at Charley who had resumed her pitiful crying. Oh, she was good. I glared at her. "Spock, be nice." my friend said catching the look. "I think the only way we are going to solve this is if we all hug and say we're sorry" My friend then made us hug, a process that took awhile as I had never experienced a hug and the procedure was new to me. "I'm sorry." Charley muttered. "I deeply apologize for whatever fear I caused you and even though you broke my communicator which is a valuable tool for any Vulcan traveling on earth-" My friend coughed, "I forgive you." I said looking down;forgiveness was a new concept for me. "Great, now that you guys are friends-" I snorted. "Friends." My friend continued with an edge in her voice, "We can all get along and go do something fun today ok?" Charley took my friend's hand as they walked from the room, turning to stick out her tongue as she rounded the corner.

Relatives-Part II

The infuriating, exasperating, vexatious little girl! I ought to put her on a one man shuttle craft and send her to the farthest reaches of the galaxy....quadrant three! But, before I send her off on a shuttle craft, I should explain. Take off will be in five minutes.

She broke my wireless communicator.

I had been sitting at the breakfast table eating Lucky Charms and reading a book I had found on quantum physics, when she walked in. She was dressed in a black t-shirt that said 'Princess' in some type of shiny pink beads. Her pants consisted of silky material with pink clouds printed on them. But her face. On her face she wore a look of complete, mischievous triumph. In her hand she held my missing wireless communicator. The screen was scratched and a piece of metal crashed from it and on to the floor with a clank as I stared at her in silent disbelief.
She smiled a diabolical grin. No sign of repentance showed on her face.
"You." Was all I could say, dropping my spoon into my apparently useless Lucky charms. I slowly rose from my chair. "Give that back now." I said, fighting to control the desire to yell. Just then my friend walked in the room. "Hi guys! How long have you been up Spock? Five?" The phone rang and she left the room before I could answer or tell her of the miscreants evil deed. I looked back to Charley. She was gone, fled from the scene, but placed on the table was my wireless communicator. "Charley" was written across the screen in some type of sticky pink substance. I picked it up, glitter falling as I did. Utterly useless. "There's no help for me now Scotty!" I moaned. "You'll never beam me out of here and I will be stuck on earth with all their strange customs and nauseating culinary skills."
I wandered dejectedly down the hall, past my old room with my comforting glow in the dark stickers and into the basement to see if I could fix my communicator. Pointless. I tried to turn it on, it would whir with a strange buzzing sound and then fade.

And now as you know the reason for our unforeseen shuttle launching, I have an appointment to go to: 10,9,8,7. . .

Relatives- Part I

In case you were wondering, I have completely recovered from my chocolate ordeal and am doing fine now. My friend made me lie on the couch for a few hours, and throw away my APA formatted paper on the health benefits of chocolate, but other than that, things are looking up.
Now, back to the matter at hand:
My friend has, in her immediate family, some humans of younger age. She calls them her niece and nephew. The girl is ten years old and the boy the age of eight. She told me that they were coming to stay with her for three nights while their parents were on a vacation. (Much needed I can tell you due to the hyperactivity of the children.) As I was staying in the only available guest bedroom, my belongings were moved downstairs for the time being. (All for my wireless communicator which I have seemed to have misplaced. . . .)
The children arrived at half past two with a flurry of excitement and suitcases. After the parents had kissed the children goodbye and fled (The boy screaming the whole time) they settled down to take in their surroundings.
I had remained hidden behind around the corner of the room when they had arrived and peered cautiously at them. They seemed harmless enough, though the girl jumped at my sudden presence and the boy stuck out his tongue. "Who are you?" The girl demanded. "I'm a friend of your Aunt's. She-" "Are you her boyfriend?" she asked me with a sly glance at her brother. This term was new to me. I was a boy and a friend so the apparent answer would be yes. "Yes, I guess you could call it that." I replied. The girl giggled. "Spock! What did you just tell them?" My friend came walking in from the other room. "You have a boyfriend you have a boyfriend!" The children teased. My friend flushed slightly then grabbed me by the arm (which has become quite bruised recently as this motion occurs often.) and pulled me into the other room. There I was quickly informed of the meaning of the word "Boyfriend" and that if ever repeated with her name in the same sentence would end with myself so obliterated that my very existence would have been questioned by even the smallest speck of dust. Nodding furiously that I understood, she released me.

*Side note, for the definition of "Boyfriend" I have included it at the bottom of the post.

I went back into the living room. The children were sitting side by side on the couch and were conversing quietly. They threw several glances in my direction. "Gabe, what did you just say?" My friend walked in the room. The children's whispers ceased. "Nothing." The boy's guilty face tried to smile innocently. "Uh huh. Right. No making fun of my friend here ok? He. Is. Just. A. Friend." She heavily pronounced the last sentence. The children nodded, but their eyes still glinted with laughter, the worse was yet to come. "Spock, this is Gabriel and this is Charley." My friend said introducing me to the young earthlings. "I don't think you've met Gabe, but the last time you met Charley was at that family party, she was just a baby then."
I remembered. It had been my first encounter with a human infant and after having the child thrust into my reluctant arms, she had thrown up all over me and whatever object was near by.
The stench of baby drool never left my clothing and I had to get a new communicator because the one I had had was damaged beyond compare. I most certainly remembered.
"Spock, say Hi." My friend said pulling me out of my reflecting. "Hello." I said tentatively. The girl still had a glint in her eye. The boy seemed friendly though. He smiled broadly and waved, not yet under his sister's evil spell.
The day wore on. The girl, Charley, went with my friend to the store and I was left with Gabriel. He smiled at me and handed me a book to read. He then sat very close to me on the couch and begged me to read the book. I obliged. The book was about space travel and he enjoyed it very much. Though I don't think he noticed that I changed facts to make them more accurate, or omitted parts that were purely false. After I finished, he clapped his hands and shouted, "Again, again!" I looked at the book with distaste. The plot was fine, but the illustrations of monkeys in space suits were nauseating. I suggested a different story, and he seemed fine with that. I then proceeded to tell him a story of the time when I went with Kirk to Romulus and he got into a fight, which I saved him from only by Vulcan gripping every person he fought with and then mind melding them to prevent any memory of the accident from occurring. (To this day, Kirk has no memory of this fight, but the scar on his forehead is proof enough) Gabriel liked the story so much that I told him another one, this time about what McCoy does in medical and how he teases me relentlessly over my abhorrence of blood. I had told him about four stories by the time my friend got home and seeing us having so much 'fun' (though it was really a lecture on space physics) left us alone until dinner time.
I predict that boy will grow up to be a great scientist one day, maybe even better than that 'Smart Alec' that everyone swears by.


Boyfriend: A boyfriend is a person's regular companion in a romantic relationship, usually in a long-term, committed (E.g. marital) relationship. (Earth definitions are confusing, they should simply have it be what it says: Boy. Friend. I will have to post more of their double meaning words.)

The consequences of Chocolate Part III

Again, warning. The following depicts the consequences of Vulcans and chocolate. Some material may be shocking or even disturbing to minds unused to living with Vulcans. Vulcan's and human's alike take warning.










"Spock." I thought I heard my name being called. "Spock." The voice came again. My friend was standing above my bed. "It's nearly ten 'o clock. But as you always so poetically say it: 'The sun is almost at it's zenith and all the things that can be accomplished in the day are dwindling fast into oblivion.' Pretty good impressions huh? Now get up." I stumbled down the hall and sat sullenly at the table. "What do you want for breakfast?" My friend asked me, holding a box of Lucky Charms. I shook my head. "Fine. How about toast?" I nodded. "Fine." My friend said, putting bread in the toaster. "Are you ok today?" I shook my head. "Are you going to talk today?" "That would be illogical." I said, my voice cracking. I was not feeling good at all, my head felt like I had just warped through an asteroid field. "Are you getting sick?" My friend asked looking concerned. "No. -" I stopped to clutch my head, 'Augh! the blood vessels in my brain are constricting!" "What are you talking about?!' My friend said, shocked by my sudden outburst. "My head. . . blood vessels. Constricting... Headache." I stammered, apparently loosing the ability to communicate in full sentences. "Then why didn't you just say so? You don't have to make things so complicated. Now eat your toast and I'll get you some medicine for your headache." "Toast?" I said, my mind fogging. Why would I eat toast?" "You said that's what you wanted, now eat!" "No." I said, suddenly feeling my blood pump quicker; my mood changing from dazed to rebellious."Well, why not?" "Because that would be illogical! You have to eat Lucky charms in the morning to have fortune smile on you through out the day! You don't get the same benefits by eating that grainy square stuff you call bread!!" What was wrong with me? My moods were switching too fast, I needed to lie down. "Spock, you are impossible!" My friend sighed, "Raising a puppy would be easier than you!" "No, I exist therefore I am not impossible. What you mean to say is I'm improbable." She just looked at me. "At least the puppy wouldn't argue back. Hey, you watched big bang theory didn't you? I knew I should have hid the remote. At least you haven't found the soap operas yet." "What? how did you know?" I asked. "You just quoted directly off it!" "Oh." I felt myself relaxing again, the calm, dazed feeling sweeping over me. "Fine, you win. I'll eat toast." My friend pushed the plate towards me, shaking her head. "I swear, I will never figure out your-" "You swear? Are you swearing by Alec, that man that Mark swore by?" "What are you talking about?" "Smart Alec. That man that Mark swore by, is he some type of genius on your planet? What did he do that was so brilliant that you swear by him?" My friend started laughing uncontrollably. I watched; unmoved. I was used to this response to most of my queries.
I munched the toast silently. Toast is bland, crunchy and makes too much noise when consumed. My friend stared back at me; waiting. She didn't have long to wait. *Crunch, crunch, crunch...*
"So what do you want to do today?" She asked, breaking the silence. "I think." I said, swallowing the last dry piece of toast, "That we should try to disprove one another's theories in a debate over various scientific topics. It is a most invigorating game." "Um, no." My friend said, "If you want to do something nerdy like that then we can play scrabble or Risk. I know better than to get into an argument with you." I wasn't sure if I should be offended or not. Deciding not to take offense, I stared back at my friend. She has the ability not to blink for long periods of time. "Why are your eyes so bewitching!" I suddenly cried out. "The blue, grey depths are enough to drive one mad!" That made her blink. "What did you just say?" she asked me. I wasn't sure. Her eyes had always struck me as beautiful, but I had never said anything like that. I decided to go for a safe response: "Segalt, The great Vulcan poet. I thought you would want to hear more of his inspiring words." "No, not now." She said, still looking suspicious.
"Yes." I said, feeling somewhat relieved. She continued to list all the things we could do today, including the museum, a movie and the Zoo. "All these sound like fun." I said, feeling suddenly ill, "But I don't feel like doing that today." "What's wrong? Had enough of Earth culture yet?" She laughed. "No, maybe just brownies." I replied, with my head on the table. "Brownies! How many did you eat?" She asked. "All of them." My voice muffled by the wood. Silence. I looked up. My friend was looking down at me with a slightly amused and slightly worried face. "Chocolate must affect the Vulcan mind." I said, groping for some type of explanation. "That's why I made that comment about the color of your eyes." Her face flushed slightly. "Fine, but I not going to believe you until I make sure." She left me at the table and came back with her laptop. Five minutes later, she had found out the results of chocolate, made me lie down on the couch and left me with strict rules on not moving. Her face was still blushing.

Chocolate- Part II

Warning: Some material may not be suitable for young children as this depicts what happens to a Vulcan who eats Chocolate












Brownies. So that's what the brown objects were. We were sitting on the couch watching a movie; the kitchen was clean, Mark was gone and the smell coming from the brown squares was tantalizing. Everything seemed right, except for one thing- the brownie was hypnotic. "Well? Aren't you going to eat it?" My friend said, noting the fact that all I was doing was staring at it. The sight of it! Brown in every shade! The middle looked soft, the outside edges a lighter color, ready to break at the slightest touch! What was wrong with me?! Vulcan's don't think this way! Food was just something that got in the way of better things to do, if it wasn't necessary to survival, I might not eat at all. "Well?" My friend said again. I shook my head. "It's too... beautiful." "What is wrong with you?! It's a brownie for crying out loud! And you're the one that says I'm illogical, what you're doing is down right weird!" She had a point, making up sonnets at the sight of a brown piece of cake was a bit illogical. I speared a piece of brownie with the fork, ignoring my friend's exasperated sigh at the fact that I wouldn't just pick it up and eat it. I brought the fork closer to my mouth, the smell of chocolate was almost over powering. "Spock." My friend's voice stopped me, she sounded worried. "You're blushing green again. Are you ok?" "Fine, fine fine!" I said. I thought I heard my voice go higher. I coughed. "Ok then. . ." My friend said. I put the fork in my mouth. The softest, most moist flavor of something I can't describe hit my tongue. "Fascinating." I murmured, my voice not above a whisper as not to ruin this special moment. I ate another bite, then another, soon the whole brownie was gone off my plate. I looked woefully at the few crumbs left, fighting the temptation to lick up ever single crumb. I looked at my friend's plate. Half a brownie lay there, forgotten. I suddenly felt pity for the brownie. All alone. It was sitting by itself, no one was there for it. I felt a slight tug in the back of my mind. It wasn't even a living thing and I was feeling pity for it. Chocolate must some how affect the Vulcan mind; this was illogical. "Spock." My friend was staring at me. "You are turning a darker shade of green. Are you sure you're not allergic to chocolate?" "I'm fine." I said, "Can I have another one?" "I don't think that would be a good idea-" I made a mad dash for the kitchen, the brownies lay there unguarded. My friend jumped up before me and blocked the door. For some reason, I thought this hilariously funny. I began to laugh uncontrollably. My friend tried a few hesitant chuckles. "Are you sure you're ok?" I couldn't answer, I was laughing to hard. "He's finally lost it." I heard her mutter.
Suddenly, I stopped laughing, I had a brilliant idea. "Let's sing the periodic table of elements!" I cried, "It will be fun!" "But Vulcan's don't believe in fun." My friend said." That jogged my memory. "You're right! What was I thinking?" She looked relieved. "Then in the name of Science: There's Antimony, arsenic, aluminium, selenium and hydrogen! Oxygen, nitrogen and rhenium and nickel and, and. . ." The look on my friend's face stopped me. "Is something wrong?" I asked. "I didn't skip vanadium did I? I always miss that one." She was still staring at me. "I had no idea Vulcan's could get so hyper. I didn't know it was possible Vulcan's could get hyper." "Well, if that's all then - Strontium, silicon, silver and samarium!" I paused. "You're not singing. Don't you want to sing? Singing is fun! I mean.. it's scientific! Maybe you don't like that song." I said suddenly worried. "We could sing something else! We could sing the song about all the planets, (There' more than what you sing about on earth you know) we could sing the construction of a nebula...." "No." My friend said to me. I nodded, leave it to a human to be such a kill joy. "Fine." I sat down on the couch. My friend sat back down hesitatingly, sitting far on the other side. The movie continued playing. We had decided on "Space cowboys". My mind seemed to be returning to normal when the computer technician in the movie called out something. It was like flipping on a switch. "NO!" I cried, "You don't do that!" I was up on my feet and pointing accusingly at the t.v. "Why on Vulcan would you do that?" I heard my friend snicker, I turned around. "Why on Vulcan?" She repeated. "It's just a phrase that means, oh never mind." I wasn't going to bother explaining such simple things. She pointed to the couch, I sat back down. Things were quiet for a few moments despite the fact that my hands felt jittery. They began the countdown to space on the screen. I snorted. "You still do that?" My friend kicked my leg. "Sh!" I scooted farther away and watched the t.v. The blast off was uneventful (And why should it be?) Space travel is as simple as operating a motorized vehicle.
We had reached the part where the one man decides to sacrifice himself for his friends. "You know, technically he wouldn't have to do that." I told my friend. "If they had simply readjusted the timing belt on the.." "Sh! I don't want to hear any of your Vulcan Physics!" I quieted down. I was beginning to feel funny. "As the seasons change!" I suddenly cried out, "So do circumstances and this existence provides, so few second chances-" "Are you out of your Vulcan mind?" My friend shouted at me. "What on earth are you doing?!" I giggled, "It's actually "What on Vul-" "What are you doing?" She repeated. "Quoting Segalt, the great Vulcan poet. Never heard of him? Oh what shame! His words speak logical truth straight to the heart!" I continued: "What was, has been and directs what will be-" Spock." My friend said quietly. I stopped, breathing hard. "Yes?" " I am not giving you chocolate again."






* I must note that Segalt is not my own creation,
for more of his poetry, visit: http://www.elysianvisions.com/integrity/segalt.html

Part I

"You speak Klingon." We were back at my friend's house and she was seated on the couch looking at me with her eyebrow raised. "Yes. Not very well, it's a harsh language and I don't enjoy speaking it as much as I do Vulcan." "I can see why; I haven't heard anything so creepy since Gollum and his 'precious'. Wait, did you say you speak Vulcan? I thought that Vulcan's spoke English." "We do, but we also have our own language." "Say something." "Dif-tor heh, smusma." "What did you say?" My friend asked. "Live long and prosper." My friend started laughing. "What's so funny?" "It's just, (ha ha ha) you hear that all the time and to see you say it, its- (gasping) really funny. You said it so serious! " "I don't see what is so amusing. It is simply a farewell; not in the least worth laughing at." The look on my face set her off again. "Will you teach me Vulcan? This could be really fun!" "You seem a difficult student, your laughing fits would not help you and speaking Vulcan is not for 'fun' you learn it to study the ancient histories of the planet." I said in all seriousness. The pursuit of fun seemed a life long task on earth and is not embraced by Vulcans.

"Please!" "No." "Please!" "I told you-" "Please?!" "Kroykah!" "What?" "Enough!" "Then will you teach me?" I sighed, I could tell this was a losing argument and any attempts at a diplomatic refusal would be in vain. "Fine." My friend started cheering. "On one condition." My friend stopped. "What?" she asked suspiciously. "You will teach me more about earth culture." (Better to end an argument with an appeared agreement then flat out defeat.) "Oh, is that all? Ok!" Humans are always so enthusiastic. I was glad I chose this tactic. If used on Vulcan, that statement would have started an hour long argument.

My friend said we had to 'shake hands' to show that we were in agreement (again that would never happen on Vulcan, fifty pages of contract is more effective) and then said she was going to bed.







*******



My friend took me to the grocery store to show me the food they use on earth. She said she would buy things for dinner and then I would have to make it. (To experience earth culture, but it was really so she wouldn't have to make it.) Their produce is odd. It comes in all shapes and colors and the smell is not often pleasant. Since she knew of my abhorrence to meat, we quickly walked past that section of the store, but not without seeing the revolting packages lined upon the shelves. We also went down the candy aisle. Candy is one of the most ubiquitous foods in the grocery store. They have aisles devoted to it and then smaller racks of it to tempt you as you leave the store. As one who could never see such excitement in food. (Why eat when you could be doing something useful?) Was not very impressed with the candy aisle. The colors are vibrant the smell sickly sweet and the rows upon rows of it are dizzying to the eyes. But, as we walked past the end of the aisle, I smelled something wonderful, dark and kind of chalky. The object was brown and wrapped in foil. But, I was unable to inquire what the object was because my friend hurried me past to go to another end of the store.



Back at my friend's house, I proceeded to give a tiring lesson on the Vulcan language. It took many hours and many attempts, but my friend is starting to comprehend the Vulcan vernacular. Even I was impressed by her quick understanding of the language.
Teaching me how to prepare food was another matter. I do not like to touch food with my hands so my friend (while calling me a wimp) said she would put it in the pot and I would have to stir it. Simple enough... until the pot overflows. The phone rang while I was cleaning up the mess and my friend went to answer it. When she came back, she looked troubled. "That was Mark, he said he wanted to stop by, but I told him it was almost time for dinner. He said he would bring dessert and then hung up." Wonderful. I thought, my first experience with earth cooking and I would have to share it with this miserable creature. My friend must have noticed the look on my face, "Hey! I didn't invite him! I don't want him here anymore than you do." At last! She was finally starting to see what was wrong with this guy. I smirked to myself, my presence here was bothering to this young man and would upset any of his plans. His quick temper and sudden outbursts could provide fascinating entertainment for the evening.

****
The door bell rang. My friend told me to stay in the kitchen and went to answer the door. Mark walked in with the air of someone triumphant, not heeding of his forthcoming doom. "So you finally got rid of that weird guy?" I heard him say. "Good thing, he was giving me the creeps." "Well, actually-" "What are you making for dinner?" He got up and went into the kitchen stopping dead. "Oh." I gave my best attempts at a smile, "Nice of you to join us." He quickly put down the bag he was carrying and left the room. I glanced at the bag. That same strange smell was coming from it. I crept closer and looked in. It appeared to be some type of bread, cut into squares. It had a similar brown color to the object at the store, but was darker with different shades. "Are you ready to eat Spock?" My friend called from the other room. I quickly jumped back to stirring the pot, the unnerving feeling at being caught at something thudding in my ears. "Are you ok Spock?" My friend asked me, coming in. "You look kind of green." "Oh, what? Must be from the steam. Vulcan blood is green you know, it's because we have such a high copper level." I babbled. "Uh huh." My friend said still staring at me. We dished up the soup and put it on the table. The meal went on in silence; Mark eating sullenly. The food held little interest for me. I was still contemplating what the strange package was. "This is really good." My friend said, trying to start conversation. I nodded, Mark said nothing. The tension built. I suppressed the desire to smile. It finally cracked when my friend told Mark that she was trying to learn Vulcan. "Isn't that some made of language that Star Trek losers speak?" Mark asked. "Yes, but I don't see why you would call them 'losers'. It's really fun. Like pig Latin or something." Mark just snorted. My friend turned to me, "Ish-veh ni komihn." I choked on my soup, I was laughing too hard. My friend had just said, "He is so human." Mark remained unmoved. "What did she just say?" he asked me. "T'l kilko-srashiv kitok-wilat." I told my friend. (He must look elsewhere for his answer.) My friend laughed, "I'tah tehrai k'etwel." (He shall not find it here.) Mark started to turn red. I turned to Mark and held out my hand, "Nahp-hif...-bi tu throks!" (Your thoughts... give them to me!" My friend bent over laughing, I was enjoying this.
"You guys are a bunch of freaks!" Mark shouted."I'm leaving and not coming back until you get rid of this creep!" Mark said storming to the door. "I'm afraid that will never happen." My friend said, a laugh twitching on her face, "Spock always has been and always will be my friend." Mark growled something, did a defiant Vulcan salute and slammed the door.

"Oh what a shame." My friend said after we had stopped laughing, "He left before the brownies."

To be continued.....

Forgivness and Revenge Part II

The wallpaper of the restaurant was dingy. Flowers in a curious pattern littered the walls; a wooden clock on the wall ticked repeatedly in a solemn and bored tone. The fake plants were scattered across the room at random and cast off a faint smell of dust when you brushed by them. Such was the fine dinning experience of a small town. I glanced at Brianna over my menu, a shocking red head whose tight curly hair gave a rather wild but friendly appearance. Brianna smiled constantly and had a smile worth smiling about. I looked at Mark, he gave a deep scowl in return before directing his gaze back to the table.
I studied the menu, I was not familiar with earth food and some of the names were unheard of. I had never heard of "Potatoes" and things such as a "skillet" and "Parsley" were as foreign to me as gespar is to earthlings.
"How do you pronounce this?" I whispered to my friend. "That would be a hamburger." She said, a slight smile on her face. "What is it?" "It's a sandwich, with a beef patty and various vegetables." Sounded risky, if I didn't like it, I would have to endure whatever strange earth vegetables they had and this thing called "beef". "What is beef?" "It's uh... cow. That would be an animal. You eat them." But seeing the look of shock on my face, she added quickly, "No, no! It's not like that! Just try something else." I heard a cough. Mark and Brianna were staring at us.
"Uh, Spock's parents moved to India when he was little, he's grown up there and you know how they think cows are sacred? He hasn't had meat before." My friend put in quickly. Brianna nodded, Mark just looked incredulous.
After ordering food, (I tried something they call lasagna) I tried starting a conversation with Brianna. We talked on various subjects of science and I found the earth definition of things most amusing, but was able to be polite and nod at the appropriate times. I was telling her of my point of view on the subject of gravity when I accidentally started mixing Klingon with English. ( I do this frequently and is a habit I am trying to fix.) "You speak Klingon!" Brianna said. "Um yes, I..." "That is so cool!" She responded in Klingon this time. "All my friends think its nerdy and creepy, I am so happy to know someone else who speaks it!" For the rest of the evening, we spoke in Klingon which got many strange looks from the others sitting in the restaurant. I even heard Mark mutter something about 'Joining a nerd club' but we paid no attention.
After leaving the restaurant, we had to drop off Brianna. She lived with in walking distance of the restaurant so we all walked over there. Brianna said goodbye to everyone and said thank you for the evening. (Remembering from the movies we had watched) I escorted Brianna to the door. She said goodbye and I started to raise my hand in the customary Vulcan salute when I heard my friend cough from the driveway. "Oh right." I said remembering, I took Brianna's hand and kissed it. "Farewell Mon Cheri." I said. (All the guys do it in the movies my friend made me watch, so I expect that was the correct thing to do.) Brianna turned red, I heard Mark laughing from the driveway and my friend, I'm sure, rolled her eyes.

Forgiveness and Revenge

"Spock I have decided to forgive you." I looked up from the book I was reading. "Forgive me? For what?" "Your behavior last night. I realized that you probably had a moment of insecure panic and that was the reason for your acting up." I stared at her. "I did?" "Yes. What else would you call that?" "Defending myself." "That's the most-- Never mind, I am not going to argue with you." "A wise choice." I muttered. "What was that?" She glared at me. "Nothing. I didn't say anything." I said quickly. "Hm." She said. "Anyway, I talked to Mark, (Don't give me that look) and he said he wants to go out again tonight. Since you obviously aren't mature enough to be by yourself, I have to take you with me so you are going to go out with my friend Brianna. Agreed?" "I'm sure this will be a most educational event." I said, "But might I ask, is this some type of earth punishment? Your tone of voice implies so." "No! Don't be so obnoxious and you better not treat Brianna like she is some type of alien science experiment!" I laughed. I couldn't help it. "Stop it! You know what we are going to do for the rest of the day? I'm going to make you watch chick flicks so you at least get some idea of what you're supposed to do!" "Chick flicks?" I asked. She just sighed.
Four hours later. "Am I supposed to be liking this stuff?" I asked as once again a couple started kissing on screen. "Sh!" My friend said her eyes on the screen, her anger at me apparently forgotten. So far, we had watched "Superman" (To learn how to be a gentleman), and "Kate and Leopold" (To show that chivalry was still important.) My friend turned off the T.V. "So what did you think of that?" She asked. "I see why you call them 'Chick flicks' no one but a bunch of sensitive girls would like something like that. And I think your motives were not to educate me but to get revenge through such torture that can only be wrought by such things. But..." I added hastily as the fire once again lit behind her eyes, "I did learn some valuable lessons on earth culture and the historians back on Vulcan will be most pleased on this insight to human nature." "Wonderful." My friend rolled her eyes.
After that she said we had to "Get ready" for our evening out. I wasn't sure what she meant by that and waited while she ran about the house "Getting ready". I had a question for her and walked down the hall towards the bathroom. She was in there putting some black thing on her eyes. "What is that?" I asked She jumped. "Spock you scared me!" A black streak ran down her cheek. "Oh this, it's mascara. It makes your eyelashes look bigger." "Why would you want to do that?" I asked. "Because... because... Oh I don't know, you just do." I nodded. Another strange earth custom.
After waiting awhile longer, the door bell rang. "I'll get it!" My friend called. "I told them to meet here."
"Oh and Spock, Brianna's a Science Major."
To be continued.....

Mark

"Spock, I am going out for a little bit and you will have to stay home by yourself ok?" My friend had been in her room for an hour and had left me to discover the wonders of an object in her living room called a piano. "Where are you going?" I asked turning around. "On a date." At my blank look she explained, "I am going out with a um.. a friend of mine and you are supposed to stay here. You can work the microwave right? and I taught you how to reheat leftovers so you should be fine." I nodded, the microwave was a small box which lit up when you pressed the buttons. I had found out earlier that you do not turn it on unless something is inside it; because if you don't a burning smell fills the room and the microwave starts shrieking at you in a language that I didn't understand. "Ok Spock?" she asks again. "I'll be fine, but can I ask a question? What is then name of this friend of yours?" "Mark." she replied,"Why?" "So he is of the male gender then? And I assume this activity will be unsupervised as I am not invited. Is a "date" the earth word for courtship? Has he any plans to wed? If so, what are the marriage rituals for earth?" "Spock you ask to many questions." said my friend turning red, "Just open the door when he knocks and be nice!" She turned and walked out of the room muttering something about Vulcans being obnoxious. I turned back to the piano and was playing on the lower keys, which remind me of something ominous when the door bell rang. I went to the door and with some difficulty I figured out how to open the strange lock. A man walked in the door and started taking off his coat before he noticed me. "Who the heck are you?" he asked, "I am the person who opened the door without receiving thanks." I replied, my friend's warning to be nice going unheeded. Something about him was disturbing. "Smart Alec." He muttered. (I don't know what he meant by that comment, but I assume "Alec" was some type of world renowned genius and that they now swear by him.) He seated himself on the couch. "And who are you?" I asked, returning the question. "Only a teacher of a wonderful school, the chef of fabulous meals and the lucky guy who gets to take a beautiful girl out on a date."He said with a look that was daring me to disagree. "Hm." I nodded, he must have eaten his lucky charms. He looked up at me, "You have pointy ears, are you an elf?" "You have blond hair, are you as dull witted as they say?" I retaliated. "What the?! You have serious problems." He said glaring at me. "Then lets not be stereotypical." I said, "Or things could only get worse." "Is that a threat?" He asked stepping towards me. "Possibly." I said, "Your presence annoys me and if I am pushed much more I will be forced to hinder your mocking." "Try me." He said glaring. Remembering the effect on the man at the planetarium, I put my hand on his shoulder, as expected, he fell to the ground.
Thinking my friend would not be happy to see him lying on the ground, I picked him up and set him on the couch in a seated position, then went into the kitchen to wait until she found out. I was deeply interested in reading the box of lucky charms to find the ingredients of their amulets when my friend stormed into the room.
"What on earth did you do?" She yelled at me. "I assure you." I said trying to appear nonchalant, "I have no idea what you are talking about." "Then why is Mark passed out on the couch?" I tried to think of an answer. "Well, perhaps he is diabetic and has fainted from lack of food." I said, sounding hopeful. "Uh huh." she said, unconvinced, "Then why does he have a huge bruise all over his shoulder?" "Internal bleeding." I said, "We should call for medical help." She tapped her foot. "Well, I might have possibly, grabbed his shoulder and he fainted." "Spock! You are so exasperating! Go get some ice out of the freezer and put it in a Ziploc bag. I am going to go see if he's awake yet." "Um, what is Ziploc?" I asked. She just sighed and pointed to a drawer. "In there."
Mark woke up ten minutes later and was not happy to see me. "He's crazy!" he whispered. "Why are you housing a lunatic?" My friend just rolled her eyes. Mark, who was not feeling up to the outing, and seemed in a hurry to leave, left soon after. As the door closed, my friend glared at me and stomped out of the room. That night, not trusting myself to the perils of the microwave, I ate Lucky Charms by myself in the kitchen. I needed their lucky amulets to help me comprehend this next chapter of human behavior.

The planetarium

My friend seeing my interest in space took me to a planetarium. Planetariums are places filled with Styrofoam balls painted with neon colors to resemble planets. (Nothing like what we have on Vulcan) You are led around by a boy who repeats only what he has been told to say, and upon asking where the Vulcan exhibit is, gives you a blank stare. In which the rest of your so called tour group snickers at you. A middle aged man approached and put his hand on my shoulder, "This isn't the movie theater sonny, The Enterprise is five miles that way." Thinking this hand gesture was something similar to a hand shake, I put my hand on the man's shoulder, only to have him crumple to the floor. "Hey what'd you do?" called out someone from the crowd, along with several other voices. Realizing the correct way to answer questions on earth, I tried the eye rolling expression which is so common with my earth friend. But this didn't seem to have a positive response from the crowd. My friend grabbed my arm and dragged me away from the group. "Why did you have to go and do something like that?" She whispered furiously. "I was only trying to respond in the proper way. Isn't that what you do on earth? Something similar to a hand shake?" At this she just slapped her forehead, which is apparently a new way to answer questions. "C'mon." She said, we might as well finish the rest of the tour. But, before we continued, she pulled me down to the gift shop (A place where they sell smaller replicas and photos of what you have already seen.) and bought a thing they call a hat which said, "I brake for aliens" and put it on my head. "There." she said. "That will hide your ears. I don't know why I didn't think of that earlier." We then proceeded down the hall and past our previous tour members, who were helping the man onto some type of conveyance structure while two people in white uniforms filled a syringe with something that looked like water. My friend quickly pushed me past before I could see anymore.
The planetarium has several display cases with random objects from space, such as rocks, but I could not decide why they would want to collect something as ordinary as rocks. They also have giant Styrofoam balls in resemblance to a planet with facts written underneath. Upon reading one, I said, "That is false! Why would you have such things in a museum when you are clearly catering to the didactics of children?" "Not now Spock." Was all my friend would say with a typical rolling of the eyes. We continued down the hall, but without one sighting of an exhibit for Vulcan.
We then went on a contraption they call a "Simulator". You sit down and then the lights go out as a deep voice gives you a lesson on space (Not all true by the way) and then a screen flashes on in front of you and it displays images in space as you are rocked back in forth in your seat. The deep voice narrator going the whole time. It finally ends with the Narrator screaming, "Mayday! Mayday!" and an image of a giant meteor coming to hit you. Then, you exit the "Simulator" a smiling attendant hands you a sticker of the planetarium's logo and you then step outside into their "Gift shop" and little children run around screaming to "buy this" or "Buy that"
We left the planetarium and while walking to the car, my friend asked me, "So what did you think of the planetarium Spock?" "That it was truly an illogical and fascinating ordeal." My friend just laughed.

Lucky Charms and Glow in the dark stickers

My friend put glow in the dark star stickers on my ceiling saying it would help me sleep better. It didn't work. Long after my friend went to bed, I couldn't sleep. The stars stared down at me. I couldn't take it anymore and pulling out a piece of paper, named all the stars, created constellations, and then predicted the direction on which they would travel across the ceiling. Finally at peace, I went to sleep.
No one told me that humans sleep late. The sun was almost to it's zenith when my friend woke up. I tried to be as friendly as I could and showed her all my star charts I had created during the night, but she just looked at me sullenly. Trying a different approach I tactfully asked what new earth foods we were to be eating today. Her only response was to pull out a rectangular box from the cabinet. Upon my query of what it was she responded 'Lucky Charms". "Fascinating You actually have created edible amulets? I didn't know humans were so superstitious. How long does it take for the charm to take affect?" She just looked at me. "It's breakfast cereal." After asking what cereal was, she made me sit down and gave me a bowl (The name for one of their eating dishes.) and said to eat it. She stared at me across the table. "And? How is it?" Breakfast cereal is an interesting food. It is put into a white liquid that makes it soggy and the multicolor things floating in it have a strange texture. "It's wonderful." I said, "I can feel the amulet beginning to work already!" At this she just rolled her eyes and walked away. Eye rolling seems to be common expression among the humans. Most of my queries are met with such a gesture. I will have to practice it for use in later conversations.

Earth Customs

While I have been staying here on earth, my friend will introduce me to people as a "Foreign exchange student". I asked her why she did that and that I preferred "Intergalactic traveler." But, she just rolled her eyes and said that 'Foreign exchange student' was close enough. Movies as they call them are very popular with the people of earth. Of course we have such things on Vulcan, but we prefer deep tomes of literature to pictures flashing on a screen. I was watching Star trek with my friend and quite enjoyed watching myself on the television. One thing I found humorous in the film is when Nero is calling my name. It has a strange resemblance to a species of earth fowl called the chicken. "Spock! Spock!" One thing I have noticed is that on earth, they have a strange fascination with Anthropomorphism. They use it constantly and have gone so far as to make even their cleaning utensils human. Illogical! Earth's dietary customs are also strange. For breakfast they eat round, flat things they call "Pancakes" which they cover with a sweet substance. These "Pancakes" consist of some type of dough which is spooned onto a hot black griddle. (Another peculiar word.) The dough is then browned and considered fit for eating.
They also have another food they call "Ice cream" it is cold, has various pieces of candy in it and melts easily. I must say that I am quite taken with this earth food and must make a request for more. (Resistance is futile.) Though I am not yet sure of some of earth's habits, I am quite enjoying my stay here.
Vulcan Out.

The plan

I am currently away from Vulcan and visiting a friend here on earth. While staying here, I am investigating earth's literature. I created this blog to post my findings and opinions on the matter. I have just completed "The Hobbit" by J.R.R. Tolkien. I read the book in a matter of 24hours and found it an interesting read. The author's archetypes and themes are ubiquitous and I quite enjoyed it. I am currently in the middle of the first "Lord of the Rings" book and will have to post my findings to you once I have completed it.
Vulcan out.